Dear Annie: For 32 years, I’ve been married to a wonderful partner who comes from a loving family. There was a crisis a year ago when my spouse was on business, and while they were working to get back home, our families stepped up to support us. A relative of my partner’s showed particular concern, which surprised me. I care about this individual, but we were never especially tight. I sincerely appreciated their help and offered similar support if ever needed, and their tone curiously changed.

Shortly before my partner’s return, this relative privately requested the “support” I’d promised: They confessed they were attracted to me and wanted a secret relationship! I was morally offended and didn’t see how they figured I’d agree. Aside from loving my spouse, I’m notably old-fashioned. I’m unapologetically closed-minded in my opinion that infidelity is just plain wrong, and I don’t need to explain why. I kept calm and rebuffed them, and they seemed resigned. Later, they reappeared to remind me of the “sacrifice” of their “support” during my spouse’s and my tough time and faulted me for their feelings and for failing to discourage them (I’d caught them staring in years past but purposely acted unaware to avoid awkwardness, and at those times, I informed my spouse).

I’m not responsible for this person’s feelings and thought it underhanded to resort to these baseless claims. We both volleyed insults, ending with their vow to ruin my marriage; they then slandered me to my partner and their family, digging up an unrelated, settled disagreement to “prove” these lies. Their campaign went nowhere, but the exchange left me mortified.

This relative and I were never ride-or-die but their cruelty — serving to hurt my partner and family as much as me — is inexcusable. I informed my partner of the provoking event, and we’ve kept it between us to spare needless hurt for other loved ones with their own struggles who don’t need more drama. It’s understood this relative is going through a lot and it can’t be taken to heart, and I feel this is sufficient. Still, I’m trying to reconcile with the breakdown between me and someone I’ve called family for many years. I see them at gatherings now and don’t know how to act. They keep their distance. Maybe they’re quietly ashamed (or not). Even if they tried to fix what they did, I don’t know if this betrayal can, or should, be fixed.

At the risk of sounding haughty, my partner’s and my life choices have left us more accomplished than this family member. I maintain a professional demeanor and can indefinitely. It’s hurtful to be near them. I can’t view them the same way. I’m in counseling for my own benefit (not specifically because of this). I’ve discussed it there, and my therapist’s best solution is to continue keeping distance. I do. I accept they’re dealing with serious personal issues, but the heartbreak of their behavior is slow to dissipate.

Annie, I’d greatly value your perspective. — Fidelity-Shamed and Stunned

Dear Fidelity-Shamed: You’ve handled this situation as maturely as anyone possibly could, shutting down what this family member inappropriately proposed and then being honest with your partner about what happened. For them to point the finger back at you and try to take down your character and your marriage says everything about who they are.

Betrayal, especially from a family member, is painful, but you aren’t under any obligation to reconcile things. I echo your therapist’s advice to keep your distance and prioritize your peace.

Dear Annie: My cousin, who is more like a sister to me, has been making a series of reckless and concerning choices over the past year. After having her second baby, she left her husband and began dating a string of borderline-abusive men. Now she’s signing over full custody of her children to her ex-husband and impulsively buying a house out of state.

The biggest challenge is that she refuses anything less than full support from her family and friends. She completely cut off her sister — skipping her wedding — just for suggesting she seek mental health help. She hasn’t spoken to her mother in months either.

I don’t want to abandon her because I believe she genuinely needs help. But at the same time, she’s manipulating her ex-husband for more alimony while staying with a man who has repeatedly screamed at her in public. I fear she’s a danger to herself, but if I say anything, I know she’ll cut me off, too.

Should I stay in her life in case she eventually needs me, or is it time to take a harder stance and stop enabling her behavior? — Confused Cousin

Dear Confused: You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Your cousin is making destructive choices, but she’s also made it clear that any pushback will lead to being cut off. That’s her decision, not yours. Obviously, she needs professional help, and if there is any way you can help her get it, by all means do so.

In the meantime, offer support where you can — without enabling her. If she ever reaches out for real help, be there. But you are not responsible for fixing her life, and chasing after her will only drain you. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone in crisis is to step back and let them face the consequences of their choices.

Dear Annie: After 5 1/2 years together, my husband and I finally took the exciting step of purchasing our first home! It’s in a great location — just 2 1/2 hours from his parents and 25 minutes from mine. We’re also expecting our first baby, which has added to both our joy and, unfortunately, some unexpected tension with my in-laws.

The main issue? My father-in-law has a severe cat allergy, and my mother-in-law insists that we find a new home for my cat of eight years. I had this cat long before meeting my husband. But she said we should do this so they can visit freely — especially after the baby arrives. While I completely understand wanting to accommodate my father-in-law’s health needs, I feel like I’ve already offered reasonable compromises.

To minimize allergens, I’ve proposed temporarily housing my cat at my parents’ place during their visits, doing a deep clean beforehand, using multiple high-end air purifiers, applying a specialized allergen-reducing spray to fabric surfaces and feeding my cat a specific diet that reduces allergens by nearly half. Despite these efforts, my mother-in-law believes I’m being selfish and unwilling to prioritize their comfort.

The added challenge? My husband is a self-proclaimed mama’s boy — endearing at times, but in this situation, it’s making things tough. He’s failing to stand up to his mother, which leaves me feeling alone in defending my very reasonable stance.

I love my cat, and I don’t think it’s fair to give him up, especially when I’ve gone above and beyond to accommodate my in-laws. Am I wrong for standing my ground, or should I be doing more to keep the peace? — Kitty Catastrophe

Dear Kitty Catastrophe: No, you are absolutely not wrong for standing your ground. You are 100% in the right. Your cat is a member of your family, and you have already gone above and beyond to accommodate your father-in-law’s allergies.

You might even suggest to your husband that his father take allergy medication before visiting your home. And let’s not forget — babies travel! Assure your mother-in-law that you’ll gladly bring the baby to their house, but your kitty is here to stay.

Stay firm; you’ve done more than enough.

EDITOR’S NOTE: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.