Dear Annie: I’m a 73-year-old widow, and I lost my husband in 2018. I had two grown sons; one passed away last October, and the other no longer speaks to me. He believes I abandoned him, though we were never very close.

In 2012, he convinced me to move into a home he purchased, saying it would be best for my husband and me. Later, he claimed the mortgage required him to live there, too. Our relationship was strained; he barely acknowledged us unless he needed help with his son, my only grandchild.

One day, he casually asked if we had plans to move. I was stunned but took it as a sign we were no longer wanted. Wanting to spare my husband more stress, I arranged for us to leave while my son was at work. I know I should have spoken to him first, but I was intimidated by him. Later, I heard he was angry and felt abandoned.

We have barely spoken since. When my husband passed, he briefly reached out to deliver his ashes — but he had me pay for the urn without telling me. When my other son died, he called out of obligation but never followed up. I tried reaching out, but his responses were short, so I stopped.

Now, I am alone, aging and in declining health. I want to reconnect, but he seems uninterested. I would like to leave him a letter when I pass, letting him know I always loved him, even though I struggled to express it. I feared talking to him because I felt inferior.

What should I say in this letter? –Lost and Lonely Mother

Dear Lost and Lonely Mother: First, let me say how deeply sorry I am for the losses you’ve endured. Deep sorrow from losses and the weight of unspoken words can be an unbearable burden. You clearly love your son, and it’s heartbreaking that your relationship has become so distant.

If you’d like to leave him a letter, please do so! Tell him you’ve always loved him, even if you didn’t always know how to show it. Acknowledge that misunderstandings and mistakes were made on both sides but that your love for him never wavered. Let him know you’re proud of him, and no matter the distance between you, he has always mattered to you.

Most importantly, write the letter for YOU, too. It’s a way to release the pain of the past and make peace with what you cannot change. Whether or not he embraces your words, you will have spoken your truth with love. But don’t save the letter until after your death. Write it, and give it to him NOW.

EDITOR’S NOTE: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.